Locus of Control

Alex and Ricardo are two guys living in a large metropolitan city and they are both getting ready to go on dates tonight. They do not know each other but they are similar in many ways. They are both around the same height and both of them are engineers working at different multi-national companies earning about the same amount of income. Alex meets his date at a bar, they get drinks, sit down at a table and start talking. The conversation does not go very well and it seems like the girl is losing interest. They get another drink and talk some more but the chemistry is just not there, and it seems like the girl is just waiting to finish drinks and leave. After they are done, Alex hesitantly asks her if she wants to meet up again in the weekend and she awkwardly excuses herself saying she is busy in the weekend while making it pretty clear that she is not really interested in meeting him again.

Alex is dejected! He goes back home and berates himself. I am not tall enough, my face is just not handsome as I have a really big nose and I am plump because of my genetics, and that’s why girls don’t like me, he thinks to himself. He feels that as he cannot change these things, he will never find a pretty girl and that he should not even bother trying anymore and goes to be bed defeated and thinking about how unfair his life is.

Ricardo’s date also turns out similarly and at the end of the date, the girl makes it clear that she is not interested in seeing him again. Ricardo also feels the sting of rejection but after he goes back home, he thinks about the date trying to figure out why it did not go well. As he thinks about it, he realizes that as the girl was really pretty and it had been quite a while since he had last been with a girl, he was extremely needy and was trying a little too hard to make her like him. He was over invested and was agreeing with everything the girl was saying and trying to force a connection instead of being more relaxed and letting loose. He was feeling insecure and hence could not really hold good eye-contact when talking to her and as he had had a long day at work he was quite tired and lacked energy and enthusiasm. He feels that these factors played a big role in the date not going well, he makes a mental note of these things and that he can improve them when he goes on his next date and goes to bed.

Both Alex and Ricardo had a similar experience but drew completely different conclusions from them. Alex blamed some external factors and concluded that he was a lost cause, whereas on the other hand, Ricardo looked at some factors that were under his control and decided that he would improve them. So what is it that caused them to draw such different conclusions from an almost identical situation? It might be due to a concept in psychology known as the “locus of control” which was developed by a psychologist named Julian B. Rotter. Locus of Control refers to the degree to which an individual feels a sense of control over their life and their circumstances. Therefore one can have an “internal locus of control” or an “external locus of control”. If you have an internal locus of control, then you are more likely to believe that the things that happen in your life are influenced by your own decisions, abilities, actions or mistakes. Whereas, if you have an external locus of control you are more likely to attribute the events that occur in your life to external factors such as the environment, the actions of the government or other people, random chance, luck, fate etc. However, these are not an either or proposition(s) but is rather a spectrum where you may be leaning more towards either an internal or an external locus of control. An individual may also have an internal locus of control when it comes to his professional life and have more of an external locus of control with regard to his health and fitness or vice versa.

Why is this important you may ask? Well, for starters several psychological studies have showed that having an internal locus of control leads to more happiness and people with an internal locus of control are likely to enjoy more success in life. As we can see in the above example Alex who has an external locus of control attributes his date going badly to factors that are beyond his control and feels bad and helpless and more importantly since he feels he cannot change his circumstances, he most likely will not try again and therefore is less likely to end up with a girl he likes. Ricardo on the other hand is more likely to end up with a girlfriend very soon as his conclusions are entirely different and will encourage him to improve certain aspects of himself and meet more girls in the future. What were the actual reasons that led to the girls not liking Alex and Ricardo is something that neither of them will know for sure. Maybe, it was their looks or their height or they were simply not compatible or something else entirely that had nothing to do with them, but the conclusions that one of them draws helps and improves his life whereas the conclusions the other draws hampers his life.

Similarly, there are many things that happen to us in our lives, but the truth is that a lot of reality is subjective. The interpretation we give to these events determine the impact they have on our psychology and the way we react to them determines the future course of our lives. Hence, it is prudent to make efforts to move towards developing an internal locus of control. By concentrating only on things that are within our control, we feel more empowered and in control of the course of our lives. Also, this attitude and perspective helps us along the path to constant improvement of the things that we can improve rather than blaming the things that are beyond our control. When you have an internal locus of control a negative outcome is viewed as feedback rather than as failure and you are more inclined to make changes and try again. This attitude is the essence of having a growth mindset which is a topic for another day.

With this background, the next time something negative happens in your life try to overcome the urge to blame it on things outside of your control. Even if you feel that the outcome was largely due to factors outside your control, let go of those thoughts as you cannot change those factors anyway. Instead make a conscious effort and concentrate on what is under your control and try to figure out what are some things you can do to improve them so you have a better chance of succeeding or encountering a positive outcome next time around!